The very fact that most guys target articles with titles like “How to charm her pants off” or “Get out of her friend zone and into her bed” says a lot about how most guys operate— seeing sexual intercourse as an end game rather than part of a relationship.

But that isn’t how women usually work. That’s why this article uses the phrase “sweet talk” rather than “charm” or “seduce.” It’s intended for guys with a little more substance about them, and who’d prefer a full and proper relationship with the object of their affections rather than just a quick tumble between the sheets.

How to properly and effectively sweet talk a girl

#1 Eye contact. 

Before you actually begin your attempt at sweet talk, start maintaining some serious lingering eye contact first. This negates any element of surprise by showing her that you’re interested in talking to her, and eases you into the conversation without interrupting the general flow. 

#2 Don’t use pick-up lines.

 One of the most important parts of sweet talk, especially at the beginning, is that you must avoid looking like a creep at all costs. Unfortunately, those tried and true pick-up lines will likely earn you little more than a cold shoulder.

#3 Wait for the right moment. 

Making your first foray into conversation with the girl you have your eye upon must be done in a timely and appropriate fashion. She, nor anyone else, will thank you for leaping into the fray mid-conversation. Uncool and unlikely to impress.

#4 Be respectful. 

Rowdy John Travolta moves rarely work in real life. Decent women, contrary to popular belief, do NOT like a bad boy and, instead, feel deserving of a significant degree of respect. Failure to do so will get you nowhere. 

#5 Body talk. 

When you eventually get to talk to her, make sure your eye contact is strong, your body is squarely facing her, and your posture is upright. Slouching, glancing, and turning away will just be interpreted as a signal that you’re not really interested. 

#6 The humble question mark. 

Questions are so important in sweet talk, as they show that you are interested enough in her to let her do some talking, and that you aren’t an emotionally selfish person. Just try not to rattle them off like a game show host.

#7 Observe everything. 

If you’ve seen her before, make sure you commit everything about her to memory so you can pick up on any changes. Hairstyle, nails, the colors that she wears, etc. Then tell her in a complimentary fashion that you’ve noticed. Men rarely do this, so when they do, it definitely won’t go unnoticed.

#8 Compliment frequently. 

Adding to the last tip, never be shy of complimenting her. All women love to be told they’re beautiful, well dressed, and have a great smile or laugh, and it’s a great way to begin showing her that she means more to you than just another face in a crowd. 

#9 Avoid sobriety. By that I don’t mean go out and get drunk—I’m referring to the other kind of sobriety and the fact that being overly serious is never likely to bring you closer to the woman you’re hoping to sweet talk.

#10 Be confident. Don’t be scared of being yourself or showing those around you that you believe in yourself and your words. She’s far more likely to listen to you if you show that your words mean something.