1.

When your parents drop you late for assembly and just drive off.

They will now punish you in school as if you’re the one in charge of logistics.

2. When the short pupils hear “line up according to your height”:

Ugh! The worst.

3. “Hands up, down. Hands forward straight. Hands on your neighbour’s shoulder.”

The struggle to create space.

4. The wahala you enter when you forget to bring this book:

You’re dead.

5. You, hustling to beat the drum on the assembly ground.

Best part of the assembly.

6. How you sing the national anthem when the headmistress is looking at you:

Cannot come and chop cane.

7. When you first learnt it wasn’t actually “Arise O COMPASSION”:

Say what?

8. When they flog you on the assembly ground and you chest it.

You’re now the celebrity of the day.

9. When they start inspecting for students with long fingernails.

It’s all over.

10. When they announce your name to wait behind after assembly.

I’m dead.

11. Primary school teachers, when they see a student that is not wearing white socks:

They have seen who they will beat.

12. Marching back to class after assembly like:

This is still how we remember the spelling of hippopotamus

13. The song everyone sings on the last assembly of the term:

The song we sang the loudest.