Lifestlye
Funny Jokes by Top Comedians
'Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'
"I don't want any publicity – you get too many begging letters. If they're anything like the ones I send out I don't want to know!
Oliver Hardy: 'Didn't you once tell me that you had an uncle?'
Stan Laurel: 'Sure, I've got an uncle. Why?'
Oliver: 'Now we're getting somewhere. Is he living?'
Stanley: 'No. He fell through a trap door and broke his neck.'
Oliver: 'Was he building a house?'
Stanley: 'No, they were hanging him.'
Stan Laurel: 'Sure, I've got an uncle. Why?'
Oliver: 'Now we're getting somewhere. Is he living?'
Stanley: 'No. He fell through a trap door and broke his neck.'
Oliver: 'Was he building a house?'
Stanley: 'No, they were hanging him.'
'My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is.'
'I like to play chess with old men in the park, although it's hard to find 32 of them.'
“Posh hotels have a turn-down service. I had never heard of this and there was a knock at the door and a woman said, ‘I’ve come to turn down your bed.’ To which I said, ‘Well many women have in the past. Why should you be any different?’”
'I was not a particularly small child. I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.'
'I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.'
'I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.'
'I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really sh-tty body.'
The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’
I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’
'A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.'
'My friend keeps telling me I'm in the closet . . . I just say it's Narnia business!'
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