Falling in love, being in love, loving for eternity — these are individual states of being, but they’re also impossible to separate from each other. Each phase is necessary for true love to happen and to continue. If you take any of the variables out of the equation, what you’re left with isn’t love.

This is the problem. How do some relationships fail from the start, and others take years to fall apart? Why do some relationships never fail?

I’d point to people not understanding the importance of each “stage” of love. I say “stage” because these things tend to progress in order. You have to fall in love to be in love, and you have to be in love to commit yourself wholly to someone — to love for eternity.

There are no shortcuts. This is the natural order of things, and it is the way it will always be.

Most people believe love must be found. I disagree. Someone worth loving must be found. But love itself isn’t something you stumble on. It’s not something that even exists when you and the love of your life meet. It comes later.

It takes time to develop, to nurture and maintain. Love doesn’t come easily. And the belief that love should be constant and effortless is the reason why people get their hearts broken so often. It’s why relationships and marriages fail. It’s why some of us lose hope in ever finding true love. It’s why some of us give up on it altogether.

In the end, love comes down to a decision. You have to consciously decide that you love your partner, and you need to decide this every day for the rest of your shared life.

Love isn’t something you find; it’s a choice you make. And I can prove that.